What’s my “type”?

Today I’m going to be utterly shallow and talk about looks and my take on why we all have a “type” that we are especially attracted to.
I think the picture of that ideal some one is formed at an early age by the people that surround you, by the culture you live in and by your peers. And who better to serve as an example than my own humble (sic) self.
I grew up in a mixed lower middle class/working class environment in Stockholm and Göteborg in the fifties and sixties. For those that are geographically challenged  that’s the two biggest cities in Sweden. And in those way back when days, my children, we didn’t even have television. Well most didn’t until the late fifties here in Sweden.
My point is that kids of my generation and location had almost exclusively Caucasian women to relate to. So that’s part of the reason I adored Sophia Loren as a child. I hadn’t seen any of her movies but could secretly gaze at her photos for ever. And she’s still the most beatiful woman over 70 I know.
That narrowed down the number of available types considerably but the variations within the remaining group are many indeed. Tall, short, thin, fat, blonde, redhead, brunette, small tits, big boobs. The combinations are endless in number. So how come I ended up with my type out of all the available ones ? I don’t fucking now, do I?
I’ve had sex with women of all shapes, creeds and most ethnicities. And what they all had in common was the fact that they were women. So i guess when it comes down to real life what really matters to me is the person I’m making love with. Not if she confirms to some type or not.
(Flashing on my inner screen: The tall redhead Icelandic girl, one night in Borås. The short dark Mickan with her wonderful breasts. The blond celeb (who shall remain unnamed) I found naked in my bed one morning. [Stop the bragging you old crone] OK, OK, I’m done for now. )
[But you were going to tell us about your type,. Come on. Spill!]Do I really have to?
[YES!]OK. “My type” is Sophia Loren. Or in the current crop of celebs Malena Ernman. But as I said I love the person not the…AA
[Shut up, You've been blabbing enough for one day]If you say so.
[I do.]Bye then till next time.

It's been a very,very long time

since I last posted.

My operation was once again postponed. It was scheduled to take place on a Monday in October. On the Friday I had a real bad cold with high fever. I called the doc and he said that it was far to risky to have the op on Monday. So once again in the back of the cue.

I collated most of the erotica I've written in my blogs and published them on a print on demand site here in Sweden called Vulkan.se under the title "The Musings of a Cougar". It haven't sold very well maybe because it's in English. But on a LGBTQ festival in Gothenburg I'm going to do a performance reading my stuff and to talk about erotic writing. I've also contacted Stockholm Pride about doing a performance there. That's more scary as I'm on my home turf then. I might also participate in a touring queer cirkus with the same stuff.

I promise not to wait so long until the next update. But I've said that before haven't I?

My love life is in tatters. And that's all I'll say about it.

I'm a happy and angry lesbain trans woman

I should add horny to the above. I contain all kinds of emotions simultaneously.

It's been waaayyy to long since I posted in this blog
I don't really have any excuse. But nevertheless I'm going to blame Zyban, the medicine I took to help me quit smoking.  It did help me with that, as I write this I haven't smoked any tobacco for more than two and a half month. I quit Zyban about a month ago, one of it's side effects was a sort of dulling of emotions and general lethargy. I also suspect it had a negative influence on my hormone regime. But never mind all that. I'm nicotine free and ready to rock and roll again.

So, you wonder, what's happened since I last posted? I'm finally starting to be more active in RL. In clubs like Wish and Whip, and in a group that meets every other week to talk about poly, I'm now also on the board of KIM, a national Swedish organisation for all kindsof trans people.

Nothing new on the relationship front. Even if I've met some girls/women that might have led to something. Damn! As a Domme I have to learn to take the initiative to go to the next level. A shy Mistress - that's kind of extra kinky, right?

Last Tuesday I finally got the green light to go on. "Rättsliga rådet"  approved my application for gender correction. Happily I phoned the plastic surgeon's secretary to get an estimation of when I'd be scheduled for the GRS. Based on previous info my guess was April/May. No, more like October/November was the answer I got! I spent a few days fuming with anger. And today I'm starting to explore ways of getting it done much sooner.

In Sweden we have something called warranty of care. Basically it says that you have the right to have a procedure performed within 3 months. If your care giver can't full fill that you have the right to have someone else do it at no cost to you. If there is no way to get it done within reasonable time in Sweden you have the right to have it done in another EU country. As I'm writing this I'm waiting for a phone call to help me start that process.

I had such high hopes for late July and early August. Some great lesbian sex and BDSM during Stockholm Pride. Culminating in a public naming ceremony for my brand new cunt in front of media from all over the world. BTW, I think she's going to ba called "Lilla My"

I promise to start posting more regularly. And you can also find me on Fetlife.com as MistressCaisa and on twitter as Caisa. My net access have been a bit limited lately so I've been more or less invisible on twitter, but I hope that will change soon.

Love and Lashes until next time
Caisa

Why is life such a roller coaster?

This posting will not be a profound analysis of some problem or other. Nor will it be a flight of fancy or an attempt to be witty.And if you're looking for something a bit more juicy you'll have better luck at The Musings of a Cougar. No this here post will be me whining and complaining about life, the universe and everything.There might also be some jubilation and hope.

The Zyban I'm taking to help me stop smoking have also made my moods very level, boring and slightly depressive. I am now on my 15th day without smoking. And my body seems to handle the Zyban better with the result that I'm back more or less in oestrogen mode, with the usual mood swings.I welcome them, the good times are really good but the lows are really low too. Last night I wrote a blog post: My very first experience of BDSM. It meant a lot of delving in childhood memories and it awoke all kinds of feelings in me. Most of them positive but also quite strong. As the memories flooded over me there was some shedding of tears. Tears of nostalgia and tears of regrets for the things that never got said. also tears of joy and happiness. And when I woke up this morning I felt a kind of serene contentment with life.So I'm not really as cranky as I was when I started this post. On the whole I'm a lucky and happy Golden Lady with a plethora of opportunities.

  Well, later in the day I felt really down in the dumps, everything seemed grey and hopeless. Why? I feared that I'd end my days as a bitter, lonely woman. After all who'd want to date a 60 + trans woman? Add to that lesbian and a BDSM top and the prospects are bleak indeed. What's the meaning of going to clubs if all I'll ever get to do is having a few drinks and some conversations before coming home to a lonely flat. And I don't even have a cat.

Yes, I know things aren't as bad as that it just feels like that in the darkest moments. Some days I look in the mirror and say, Goddess you're sexy and beautiful! Or I'm walking down a street and suddenly I get, and give, a few seconds long eye contact. a slight smile and the we just pass. And there is no doubt that we both know. The second long communication says: "Hi! I'm a lesbian and I know you are too.Bye!" So once again I have come to the conclusion that I'm really a lucky woman. Amazing how a bit of reflection can drive the blue funk away.I'm feeling much better now, thank you.

BTW, I'm single, free and ready to munch muff. Any takers on this offer?

Hugs, kisses. love and lashes until next time.
Your Mistress Caisa
   

Catspaw: The Transphobe Who Can Ruin Your Day

Catspaw: The Transphobe Who Can Ruin Your Day A must read re the bitch Julie Bindel's latest trans hate mongering

sex etc....: Wishlist

sex etc....: Wishlist Nice idea for X-mas

Restless and Nervous

That's what I am now. I'm trying to quit smoking with the aid of Zyban. The last two days I've been cutting down a lot and when I finish the one I have left I WILL NEVER SMOKE AGAIN! But I expect there will be a week or two of hell.

Since my last post about Club Wish I've been on a great night at Whip Club. It was a fabulous atmosphere, a lot of people and some heavy action of almost any type you'd want. Spanking, whipping, fucking...... This time yours truly got in on some whipping and a bit of petting. Nothing more than that. One reason for the lack of action for this poor cougar is that most of the folks at Whip are hetero, another is that I'm reluctant to have a BDSM scene in public with someone I haven't played with before. A third reason is that, believe it or not, that I'm quite shy and insecure when it comes to initiate a more intimate contact, be it kissing or BDSM play. Not the best trait for a top, is it? If I didn't have to leave so early, 5 am, I'm quite certain that something could have happened. I'll not say anything more but I think those involved know what I mean. Love and lashes to you. ;-)

As I relaxed in a soft arm chair with a glass of wine and with no one else at the table I had a sort of vision (or wishful thinking) for a few seconds and felt convinced that sometime next summer I'd be at Whip Club with Kate and that we'll be having a great time. Ehh, no not you, even if I'd really like that, but Kate from across the pond.

I just had my last cigarette EVER! Let's hope I'll survive the next days. I'll keep you posted.

Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Your Mistress Caisa