Why is life such a roller coaster?

This posting will not be a profound analysis of some problem or other. Nor will it be a flight of fancy or an attempt to be witty.And if you're looking for something a bit more juicy you'll have better luck at The Musings of a Cougar. No this here post will be me whining and complaining about life, the universe and everything.There might also be some jubilation and hope.

The Zyban I'm taking to help me stop smoking have also made my moods very level, boring and slightly depressive. I am now on my 15th day without smoking. And my body seems to handle the Zyban better with the result that I'm back more or less in oestrogen mode, with the usual mood swings.I welcome them, the good times are really good but the lows are really low too. Last night I wrote a blog post: My very first experience of BDSM. It meant a lot of delving in childhood memories and it awoke all kinds of feelings in me. Most of them positive but also quite strong. As the memories flooded over me there was some shedding of tears. Tears of nostalgia and tears of regrets for the things that never got said. also tears of joy and happiness. And when I woke up this morning I felt a kind of serene contentment with life.So I'm not really as cranky as I was when I started this post. On the whole I'm a lucky and happy Golden Lady with a plethora of opportunities.

  Well, later in the day I felt really down in the dumps, everything seemed grey and hopeless. Why? I feared that I'd end my days as a bitter, lonely woman. After all who'd want to date a 60 + trans woman? Add to that lesbian and a BDSM top and the prospects are bleak indeed. What's the meaning of going to clubs if all I'll ever get to do is having a few drinks and some conversations before coming home to a lonely flat. And I don't even have a cat.

Yes, I know things aren't as bad as that it just feels like that in the darkest moments. Some days I look in the mirror and say, Goddess you're sexy and beautiful! Or I'm walking down a street and suddenly I get, and give, a few seconds long eye contact. a slight smile and the we just pass. And there is no doubt that we both know. The second long communication says: "Hi! I'm a lesbian and I know you are too.Bye!" So once again I have come to the conclusion that I'm really a lucky woman. Amazing how a bit of reflection can drive the blue funk away.I'm feeling much better now, thank you.

BTW, I'm single, free and ready to munch muff. Any takers on this offer?

Hugs, kisses. love and lashes until next time.
Your Mistress Caisa