March 17, 2014
This blog have moved
I am now posting on a blog on my own domain using wordpress. Go to Pearls of Wisdom, dive in and find some pearls.
June 13, 2013
A letter to myself on my 15th birthday
I am you, only 51 years older. Strange, isn’t it? And if you ever were to see this letter I guess much in my life will be totally different.Today you are dreaming, among other things, about having a moped now that you are of an age to drive one. Don’t worry you will, in a couple of months. I will enclose a picture of it at the end of this letter.
But we both know that’s not the biggest problem. You keep running away, to Stockholm, Malmö and other places. Pretty soon you will be heading down to Amsterdam. And you are not running away from something, not really, your parents and friends are pretty decent people. No one is abusing or hurting you. What you are doing is trying to run to something. You just don’t have any clear idea what it is.Seeing it all a bit clearer from way off in the future I’ll give you a few hints to why you are feeling outside, like you don’t really belong anywhere. It’s common for all teenagers to feel something like that. But you have more reasons than most do.
Why? Let’s think about some things. You look at girls. Of course you do, but not only because you desire them. If you could admit it to yourself it’s also because you know, deep inside, that you were meant to be born a girl. Remember how exited you felt when Gunilla said you had girlie lips that were perfect for lipstick. And then… No wait that haven’t happened yet.
This could be a frightening revelation. And what you are most afraid of is that means that you have to make love to guys if you are a woman. Don’t be stupid! In your head and your heart you are a girl and you are attracted to girls. What does that make you? Yes, that’s right, you are a lesbian woman!
Even back when you are now there are ways to correct the mistake of your anatomy. I know that you have heard of Christine Jörgensen. If you could do that now I know that you’d be a lot happier and that you can avoid much of the troubles that lies ahead of you. But I hope you don’t do anything about changing your gender until 1972. Why? Because on your birthday that year you get a wonderful present, Your youngest daughter will be born. That’s right! You will have two lovely daughters!
But after that go for it! Don’t wait till you/I are/am 66 to do the final transition.
Love from you future self
Caisa
Oh, here’s the pic of the moped I promised you will buy soon. I know you’ll have fun with it.
But we both know that’s not the biggest problem. You keep running away, to Stockholm, Malmö and other places. Pretty soon you will be heading down to Amsterdam. And you are not running away from something, not really, your parents and friends are pretty decent people. No one is abusing or hurting you. What you are doing is trying to run to something. You just don’t have any clear idea what it is.Seeing it all a bit clearer from way off in the future I’ll give you a few hints to why you are feeling outside, like you don’t really belong anywhere. It’s common for all teenagers to feel something like that. But you have more reasons than most do.
Why? Let’s think about some things. You look at girls. Of course you do, but not only because you desire them. If you could admit it to yourself it’s also because you know, deep inside, that you were meant to be born a girl. Remember how exited you felt when Gunilla said you had girlie lips that were perfect for lipstick. And then… No wait that haven’t happened yet.
This could be a frightening revelation. And what you are most afraid of is that means that you have to make love to guys if you are a woman. Don’t be stupid! In your head and your heart you are a girl and you are attracted to girls. What does that make you? Yes, that’s right, you are a lesbian woman!
Even back when you are now there are ways to correct the mistake of your anatomy. I know that you have heard of Christine Jörgensen. If you could do that now I know that you’d be a lot happier and that you can avoid much of the troubles that lies ahead of you. But I hope you don’t do anything about changing your gender until 1972. Why? Because on your birthday that year you get a wonderful present, Your youngest daughter will be born. That’s right! You will have two lovely daughters!
But after that go for it! Don’t wait till you/I are/am 66 to do the final transition.
Love from you future self
Caisa
Oh, here’s the pic of the moped I promised you will buy soon. I know you’ll have fun with it.
The Musical and Social Revolution of the EarlySixties
Two things was important in the sixties to make me into what I am today. Well, of course there were many more but these were the major influences: The new music from Britain and the opposition to the war in Vietnam. It radicalised me and gave me the courage to break with the traditional way I was supposed to look and behave.
I was 13, and because of too much skipping of school I was on “leave” for a year. I was working in a posh store in central Göteborg, Sweden. They sold curtains, carpets, furniture textiles and oriental rugs. I was a kind of helper in the oriental rug department. It was there, in the storeroom/lunch room in late 1962 that I first heard the Beatles and Love me do on the radio. From that moment everything changed.
It came at the best possible moment in time for me. Before I was a nerdy, shy boy with ugly glasses. In the fall of 1964 I was a full fledged mod. The hair long(ish) and, because my mother liked the fashion and is very good at sewing, dressed in clothes that were only seen in the papers. I still have the jacket that she made after having seen the Beatles single cover, and it still (almost)fits. We followed everything in the Swedish journal Bildjournalen. and when we could afford we took the tram to the centre of Göteborg and a shop that sold New Musical Express and Melody Maker.
I also started school again, eight grade and at another school. After being one of the nearly invisible and ignored in my old school I was soon one of the more popular in the class, together with my brother and one more guy. This was really brought home to me in the ninth grade when we had a “klassdans”. An after school event were we brought records to play and dance to. I had been in town at Götaplatsen, were the mods hung out. I was late to the dance and several of the prettiest girls were about to leave. But as I arrived they changed their minds and stayed. I wasn’t told until a few years later that it was because I arrived. Had I known it then I probably would have fainted. From an ugly duckling to a soaring swan in less than a year!
As so many mods we were threatened with beatings because of our hair and clothes. But it never came to anything but words. Then I read in NME that the mods in London had started wearing make up. The girls I knew were more than happy to help out. As I understand it now the English mods just used eye liner and mascara. But I went the whole way, lipstick, eye shadow and nail polish. Onto the tram and into town we went. US Army jackets, boots, flared pinstripe trousers and tons of make up. Teenage girls in the early sixties were not famous for subtle make ups. The reaction among our fellow mods were mixed. Some laughed but some, mostly girls, liked it and thought I was brave. Needless to say I revelled in the attention. We then ventured down “Avenyn” away from our usual hunting grounds.
That’s when things changed. The looks I got were hostile. And a bit up Östra Hamngatan we were surrounded by a gang of “raggare” (Best described as a sort of red necks.) One of them took a swing at me. It would probably have been a KO. But a friend yanked me out of the way and my antagonist hit one of his friends. We ran up towards Götaplatsen but before we got there two older guys (17 – 18?) who usually hung out with the mods pulled us into a shop entrance and tried to force me to rub off the make up. I don’t know were I got the courage but I refused. They didn’t beat me up but threatened to do it if they ever saw me with make up again. A few weeks later they did but I was in a big crowd so was safe.
In hindsight I can see that it wasn’t just a desire to be like the mods in London or to show my independence. The joy I felt when made up and having long hair (sometimes with a cute bow)should have made me realise that I really was a teenage girl. But I’ve always been good at repressing what I’m afraid of. If I had had the courage to face it I don’t know what I could have done then, back in the dark ages. If I could have fathomed the possibility of a sex change and still being attracted to girls I think I’d been on a wholly different course in life – a tall thin baby dyke.
But this was supposed to be about the music. I soon left Beatles behind for Stones, the Who, Kinks, Pretty thing and local bands like the talented but unknown Beachers.
When the tickets for the Stones first concert in Sweden were released the crowd were behind a simple rope barrier. Needless to say the rope didn’t hold us back. That resulted in a historic event in Swedish police history. As we were milling around out of a side street came a company of police on horses with drawn sabers, the last time that happened in Sweden. We were very naive in those days and couldn’t imagine that the police would hurt us so we just laughed and leered. Some girls who were riding in the same stable were the police horses were quartered went up to them an patted them.
The concert in Svenska Mässan was great the first ever big concert I went to. I’ve since seen the Stones several times, but that first time was marvelous!
So it wasn’t just the music that made it revolutionary. It was the attitude that went with it. We no longer wanted to grow up and be like our parents. We questioned everything and every authority. Most of my generation “grew up” and became a part of the establishment. But none of us were unaffected. Though very few became like me: A lesbian transwoman anarchist.
Oh, BTW, the jacket I wear on this pic, taken a few years ago, is the one mentioned above. The one my mother made way back when.
So gather around children and harken as I tell you about how it was in the olden days, back in the sixties. I live in a country way up North called Sweden and at that time in a town called Gothenburg. We had no mp3 players and no computers. The net was something the US military had just started playing with. What we had was record players, radio and TV to satisfy our craving for music. The TV had only one channel and if we were lucky they showed a program called Oppopoppa once a month. The records were quite expensive and we could only afford singles. The latest singles were only available in two stores in the city. Which leaves us with the radio. The state had a monopoly on broadcasting (which later on led me to be a part of the leftwing/anarchist pirate radio “Radio 88″ but that’s another story that I might come back to some day. And they were kind enough to play pop/rock for a whole hour every week day, and there were the top list “Tio i topp” for an hour on Saturdays.
And then there was Radio Luxemburg. We gathered in the evenings in spots that usually were good for reciving. Providing someone ha managed to sneak a transistor radio out of the house. The quality of the sound was rather poor, but they were playing the very latest from England.
So to hear the music we wanted to we had to listen to all sorts of music that was played on the radio. It could be anything, but mostly it was Swedish and English popular music from the twenties to the fifties. Some light jazz, operettas, and classical music was also heard now and then. And, yes, we hated this with a vengeance.
But as I talk music with young people today I realize that it had given me a grounding in musical history and different genres of music. A grounding that came without me even trying or even wanting to learn.
Today, with thousands of stations to chose from, on the air and on the net, you can opt to just listen to the kind of music you already like. Thus missing out on something you might like.
Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t want the bad old days back. The fantastic availability of music is a good thing (TM). But, and this might be illegal where you live, download a few torrents with music you don’t usually listen to. Or, better yet, get an account with a usenet server and look around the alt.binary.music and download anything that might interest you. You might be surprised! I found some rare queer blues recordings from the twenties and thirties.
I was 13, and because of too much skipping of school I was on “leave” for a year. I was working in a posh store in central Göteborg, Sweden. They sold curtains, carpets, furniture textiles and oriental rugs. I was a kind of helper in the oriental rug department. It was there, in the storeroom/lunch room in late 1962 that I first heard the Beatles and Love me do on the radio. From that moment everything changed.
It came at the best possible moment in time for me. Before I was a nerdy, shy boy with ugly glasses. In the fall of 1964 I was a full fledged mod. The hair long(ish) and, because my mother liked the fashion and is very good at sewing, dressed in clothes that were only seen in the papers. I still have the jacket that she made after having seen the Beatles single cover, and it still (almost)fits. We followed everything in the Swedish journal Bildjournalen. and when we could afford we took the tram to the centre of Göteborg and a shop that sold New Musical Express and Melody Maker.
I also started school again, eight grade and at another school. After being one of the nearly invisible and ignored in my old school I was soon one of the more popular in the class, together with my brother and one more guy. This was really brought home to me in the ninth grade when we had a “klassdans”. An after school event were we brought records to play and dance to. I had been in town at Götaplatsen, were the mods hung out. I was late to the dance and several of the prettiest girls were about to leave. But as I arrived they changed their minds and stayed. I wasn’t told until a few years later that it was because I arrived. Had I known it then I probably would have fainted. From an ugly duckling to a soaring swan in less than a year!
As so many mods we were threatened with beatings because of our hair and clothes. But it never came to anything but words. Then I read in NME that the mods in London had started wearing make up. The girls I knew were more than happy to help out. As I understand it now the English mods just used eye liner and mascara. But I went the whole way, lipstick, eye shadow and nail polish. Onto the tram and into town we went. US Army jackets, boots, flared pinstripe trousers and tons of make up. Teenage girls in the early sixties were not famous for subtle make ups. The reaction among our fellow mods were mixed. Some laughed but some, mostly girls, liked it and thought I was brave. Needless to say I revelled in the attention. We then ventured down “Avenyn” away from our usual hunting grounds.
That’s when things changed. The looks I got were hostile. And a bit up Östra Hamngatan we were surrounded by a gang of “raggare” (Best described as a sort of red necks.) One of them took a swing at me. It would probably have been a KO. But a friend yanked me out of the way and my antagonist hit one of his friends. We ran up towards Götaplatsen but before we got there two older guys (17 – 18?) who usually hung out with the mods pulled us into a shop entrance and tried to force me to rub off the make up. I don’t know were I got the courage but I refused. They didn’t beat me up but threatened to do it if they ever saw me with make up again. A few weeks later they did but I was in a big crowd so was safe.
In hindsight I can see that it wasn’t just a desire to be like the mods in London or to show my independence. The joy I felt when made up and having long hair (sometimes with a cute bow)should have made me realise that I really was a teenage girl. But I’ve always been good at repressing what I’m afraid of. If I had had the courage to face it I don’t know what I could have done then, back in the dark ages. If I could have fathomed the possibility of a sex change and still being attracted to girls I think I’d been on a wholly different course in life – a tall thin baby dyke.
But this was supposed to be about the music. I soon left Beatles behind for Stones, the Who, Kinks, Pretty thing and local bands like the talented but unknown Beachers.
When the tickets for the Stones first concert in Sweden were released the crowd were behind a simple rope barrier. Needless to say the rope didn’t hold us back. That resulted in a historic event in Swedish police history. As we were milling around out of a side street came a company of police on horses with drawn sabers, the last time that happened in Sweden. We were very naive in those days and couldn’t imagine that the police would hurt us so we just laughed and leered. Some girls who were riding in the same stable were the police horses were quartered went up to them an patted them.
The concert in Svenska Mässan was great the first ever big concert I went to. I’ve since seen the Stones several times, but that first time was marvelous!
So it wasn’t just the music that made it revolutionary. It was the attitude that went with it. We no longer wanted to grow up and be like our parents. We questioned everything and every authority. Most of my generation “grew up” and became a part of the establishment. But none of us were unaffected. Though very few became like me: A lesbian transwoman anarchist.
Oh, BTW, the jacket I wear on this pic, taken a few years ago, is the one mentioned above. The one my mother made way back when.
So gather around children and harken as I tell you about how it was in the olden days, back in the sixties. I live in a country way up North called Sweden and at that time in a town called Gothenburg. We had no mp3 players and no computers. The net was something the US military had just started playing with. What we had was record players, radio and TV to satisfy our craving for music. The TV had only one channel and if we were lucky they showed a program called Oppopoppa once a month. The records were quite expensive and we could only afford singles. The latest singles were only available in two stores in the city. Which leaves us with the radio. The state had a monopoly on broadcasting (which later on led me to be a part of the leftwing/anarchist pirate radio “Radio 88″ but that’s another story that I might come back to some day. And they were kind enough to play pop/rock for a whole hour every week day, and there were the top list “Tio i topp” for an hour on Saturdays.
And then there was Radio Luxemburg. We gathered in the evenings in spots that usually were good for reciving. Providing someone ha managed to sneak a transistor radio out of the house. The quality of the sound was rather poor, but they were playing the very latest from England.
So to hear the music we wanted to we had to listen to all sorts of music that was played on the radio. It could be anything, but mostly it was Swedish and English popular music from the twenties to the fifties. Some light jazz, operettas, and classical music was also heard now and then. And, yes, we hated this with a vengeance.
But as I talk music with young people today I realize that it had given me a grounding in musical history and different genres of music. A grounding that came without me even trying or even wanting to learn.
Today, with thousands of stations to chose from, on the air and on the net, you can opt to just listen to the kind of music you already like. Thus missing out on something you might like.
Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t want the bad old days back. The fantastic availability of music is a good thing (TM). But, and this might be illegal where you live, download a few torrents with music you don’t usually listen to. Or, better yet, get an account with a usenet server and look around the alt.binary.music and download anything that might interest you. You might be surprised! I found some rare queer blues recordings from the twenties and thirties.
What’s my “type”?
Today I’m going to be utterly shallow and talk about looks and my take on why we all have a “type” that we are especially attracted to.
I think the picture of that ideal some one is formed at an early age by the people that surround you, by the culture you live in and by your peers. And who better to serve as an example than my own humble (sic) self.
I grew up in a mixed lower middle class/working class environment in Stockholm and Göteborg in the fifties and sixties. For those that are geographically challenged that’s the two biggest cities in Sweden. And in those way back when days, my children, we didn’t even have television. Well most didn’t until the late fifties here in Sweden.
My point is that kids of my generation and location had almost exclusively Caucasian women to relate to. So that’s part of the reason I adored Sophia Loren as a child. I hadn’t seen any of her movies but could secretly gaze at her photos for ever. And she’s still the most beatiful woman over 70 I know.
That narrowed down the number of available types considerably but the variations within the remaining group are many indeed. Tall, short, thin, fat, blonde, redhead, brunette, small tits, big boobs. The combinations are endless in number. So how come I ended up with my type out of all the available ones ? I don’t fucking now, do I?
I’ve had sex with women of all shapes, creeds and most ethnicities. And what they all had in common was the fact that they were women. So i guess when it comes down to real life what really matters to me is the person I’m making love with. Not if she confirms to some type or not.
(Flashing on my inner screen: The tall redhead Icelandic girl, one night in Borås. The short dark Mickan with her wonderful breasts. The blond celeb (who shall remain unnamed) I found naked in my bed one morning. [Stop the bragging you old crone] OK, OK, I’m done for now. )
[But you were going to tell us about your type,. Come on. Spill!]Do I really have to?
[YES!]OK. “My type” is Sophia Loren. Or in the current crop of celebs Malena Ernman. But as I said I love the person not the…
AA
[Shut up, You've been blabbing enough for one day]If you say so.
[I do.]Bye then till next time.
I think the picture of that ideal some one is formed at an early age by the people that surround you, by the culture you live in and by your peers. And who better to serve as an example than my own humble (sic) self.
I grew up in a mixed lower middle class/working class environment in Stockholm and Göteborg in the fifties and sixties. For those that are geographically challenged that’s the two biggest cities in Sweden. And in those way back when days, my children, we didn’t even have television. Well most didn’t until the late fifties here in Sweden.
My point is that kids of my generation and location had almost exclusively Caucasian women to relate to. So that’s part of the reason I adored Sophia Loren as a child. I hadn’t seen any of her movies but could secretly gaze at her photos for ever. And she’s still the most beatiful woman over 70 I know.
That narrowed down the number of available types considerably but the variations within the remaining group are many indeed. Tall, short, thin, fat, blonde, redhead, brunette, small tits, big boobs. The combinations are endless in number. So how come I ended up with my type out of all the available ones ? I don’t fucking now, do I?
I’ve had sex with women of all shapes, creeds and most ethnicities. And what they all had in common was the fact that they were women. So i guess when it comes down to real life what really matters to me is the person I’m making love with. Not if she confirms to some type or not.
(Flashing on my inner screen: The tall redhead Icelandic girl, one night in Borås. The short dark Mickan with her wonderful breasts. The blond celeb (who shall remain unnamed) I found naked in my bed one morning. [Stop the bragging you old crone] OK, OK, I’m done for now. )
[But you were going to tell us about your type,. Come on. Spill!]Do I really have to?
[YES!]OK. “My type” is Sophia Loren. Or in the current crop of celebs Malena Ernman. But as I said I love the person not the…
AA[Shut up, You've been blabbing enough for one day]If you say so.
[I do.]Bye then till next time.
April 12, 2011
It's been a very,very long time
since I last posted.
My operation was once again postponed. It was scheduled to take place on a Monday in October. On the Friday I had a real bad cold with high fever. I called the doc and he said that it was far to risky to have the op on Monday. So once again in the back of the cue.
I collated most of the erotica I've written in my blogs and published them on a print on demand site here in Sweden called Vulkan.se under the title "The Musings of a Cougar". It haven't sold very well maybe because it's in English. But on a LGBTQ festival in Gothenburg I'm going to do a performance reading my stuff and to talk about erotic writing. I've also contacted Stockholm Pride about doing a performance there. That's more scary as I'm on my home turf then. I might also participate in a touring queer cirkus with the same stuff.
I promise not to wait so long until the next update. But I've said that before haven't I?
My love life is in tatters. And that's all I'll say about it.
My operation was once again postponed. It was scheduled to take place on a Monday in October. On the Friday I had a real bad cold with high fever. I called the doc and he said that it was far to risky to have the op on Monday. So once again in the back of the cue.
I collated most of the erotica I've written in my blogs and published them on a print on demand site here in Sweden called Vulkan.se under the title "The Musings of a Cougar". It haven't sold very well maybe because it's in English. But on a LGBTQ festival in Gothenburg I'm going to do a performance reading my stuff and to talk about erotic writing. I've also contacted Stockholm Pride about doing a performance there. That's more scary as I'm on my home turf then. I might also participate in a touring queer cirkus with the same stuff.
I promise not to wait so long until the next update. But I've said that before haven't I?
My love life is in tatters. And that's all I'll say about it.
February 15, 2010
I'm a happy and angry lesbain trans woman
I should add horny to the above. I contain all kinds of emotions simultaneously.
It's been waaayyy to long since I posted in this blog
I don't really have any excuse. But nevertheless I'm going to blame Zyban, the medicine I took to help me quit smoking. It did help me with that, as I write this I haven't smoked any tobacco for more than two and a half month. I quit Zyban about a month ago, one of it's side effects was a sort of dulling of emotions and general lethargy. I also suspect it had a negative influence on my hormone regime. But never mind all that. I'm nicotine free and ready to rock and roll again.
So, you wonder, what's happened since I last posted? I'm finally starting to be more active in RL. In clubs like Wish and Whip, and in a group that meets every other week to talk about poly, I'm now also on the board of KIM, a national Swedish organisation for all kindsof trans people.
Nothing new on the relationship front. Even if I've met some girls/women that might have led to something. Damn! As a Domme I have to learn to take the initiative to go to the next level. A shy Mistress - that's kind of extra kinky, right?
Last Tuesday I finally got the green light to go on. "Rättsliga rådet" approved my application for gender correction. Happily I phoned the plastic surgeon's secretary to get an estimation of when I'd be scheduled for the GRS. Based on previous info my guess was April/May. No, more like October/November was the answer I got! I spent a few days fuming with anger. And today I'm starting to explore ways of getting it done much sooner.
In Sweden we have something called warranty of care. Basically it says that you have the right to have a procedure performed within 3 months. If your care giver can't full fill that you have the right to have someone else do it at no cost to you. If there is no way to get it done within reasonable time in Sweden you have the right to have it done in another EU country. As I'm writing this I'm waiting for a phone call to help me start that process.
I had such high hopes for late July and early August. Some great lesbian sex and BDSM during Stockholm Pride. Culminating in a public naming ceremony for my brand new cunt in front of media from all over the world. BTW, I think she's going to ba called "Lilla My"
I promise to start posting more regularly. And you can also find me on Fetlife.com as MistressCaisa and on twitter as Caisa. My net access have been a bit limited lately so I've been more or less invisible on twitter, but I hope that will change soon.
Love and Lashes until next time
Caisa
It's been waaayyy to long since I posted in this blog
I don't really have any excuse. But nevertheless I'm going to blame Zyban, the medicine I took to help me quit smoking. It did help me with that, as I write this I haven't smoked any tobacco for more than two and a half month. I quit Zyban about a month ago, one of it's side effects was a sort of dulling of emotions and general lethargy. I also suspect it had a negative influence on my hormone regime. But never mind all that. I'm nicotine free and ready to rock and roll again.
So, you wonder, what's happened since I last posted? I'm finally starting to be more active in RL. In clubs like Wish and Whip, and in a group that meets every other week to talk about poly, I'm now also on the board of KIM, a national Swedish organisation for all kindsof trans people.
Nothing new on the relationship front. Even if I've met some girls/women that might have led to something. Damn! As a Domme I have to learn to take the initiative to go to the next level. A shy Mistress - that's kind of extra kinky, right?
Last Tuesday I finally got the green light to go on. "Rättsliga rådet" approved my application for gender correction. Happily I phoned the plastic surgeon's secretary to get an estimation of when I'd be scheduled for the GRS. Based on previous info my guess was April/May. No, more like October/November was the answer I got! I spent a few days fuming with anger. And today I'm starting to explore ways of getting it done much sooner.
In Sweden we have something called warranty of care. Basically it says that you have the right to have a procedure performed within 3 months. If your care giver can't full fill that you have the right to have someone else do it at no cost to you. If there is no way to get it done within reasonable time in Sweden you have the right to have it done in another EU country. As I'm writing this I'm waiting for a phone call to help me start that process.
I had such high hopes for late July and early August. Some great lesbian sex and BDSM during Stockholm Pride. Culminating in a public naming ceremony for my brand new cunt in front of media from all over the world. BTW, I think she's going to ba called "Lilla My"
I promise to start posting more regularly. And you can also find me on Fetlife.com as MistressCaisa and on twitter as Caisa. My net access have been a bit limited lately so I've been more or less invisible on twitter, but I hope that will change soon.
Love and Lashes until next time
Caisa
December 19, 2009
Why is life such a roller coaster?
This posting will not be a profound analysis of some problem or other. Nor will it be a flight of fancy or an attempt to be witty.And if you're looking for something a bit more juicy you'll have better luck at The Musings of a Cougar. No this here post will be me whining and complaining about life, the universe and everything.There might also be some jubilation and hope.
The Zyban I'm taking to help me stop smoking have also made my moods very level, boring and slightly depressive. I am now on my 15th day without smoking. And my body seems to handle the Zyban better with the result that I'm back more or less in oestrogen mode, with the usual mood swings.I welcome them, the good times are really good but the lows are really low too. Last night I wrote a blog post: My very first experience of BDSM. It meant a lot of delving in childhood memories and it awoke all kinds of feelings in me. Most of them positive but also quite strong. As the memories flooded over me there was some shedding of tears. Tears of nostalgia and tears of regrets for the things that never got said. also tears of joy and happiness. And when I woke up this morning I felt a kind of serene contentment with life.So I'm not really as cranky as I was when I started this post. On the whole I'm a lucky and happy Golden Lady with a plethora of opportunities.
Well, later in the day I felt really down in the dumps, everything seemed grey and hopeless. Why? I feared that I'd end my days as a bitter, lonely woman. After all who'd want to date a 60 + trans woman? Add to that lesbian and a BDSM top and the prospects are bleak indeed. What's the meaning of going to clubs if all I'll ever get to do is having a few drinks and some conversations before coming home to a lonely flat. And I don't even have a cat.
Yes, I know things aren't as bad as that it just feels like that in the darkest moments. Some days I look in the mirror and say, Goddess you're sexy and beautiful! Or I'm walking down a street and suddenly I get, and give, a few seconds long eye contact. a slight smile and the we just pass. And there is no doubt that we both know. The second long communication says: "Hi! I'm a lesbian and I know you are too.Bye!" So once again I have come to the conclusion that I'm really a lucky woman. Amazing how a bit of reflection can drive the blue funk away.I'm feeling much better now, thank you.
BTW, I'm single, free and ready to munch muff. Any takers on this offer?
Hugs, kisses. love and lashes until next time.
Your Mistress Caisa
The Zyban I'm taking to help me stop smoking have also made my moods very level, boring and slightly depressive. I am now on my 15th day without smoking. And my body seems to handle the Zyban better with the result that I'm back more or less in oestrogen mode, with the usual mood swings.I welcome them, the good times are really good but the lows are really low too. Last night I wrote a blog post: My very first experience of BDSM. It meant a lot of delving in childhood memories and it awoke all kinds of feelings in me. Most of them positive but also quite strong. As the memories flooded over me there was some shedding of tears. Tears of nostalgia and tears of regrets for the things that never got said. also tears of joy and happiness. And when I woke up this morning I felt a kind of serene contentment with life.So I'm not really as cranky as I was when I started this post. On the whole I'm a lucky and happy Golden Lady with a plethora of opportunities.
Well, later in the day I felt really down in the dumps, everything seemed grey and hopeless. Why? I feared that I'd end my days as a bitter, lonely woman. After all who'd want to date a 60 + trans woman? Add to that lesbian and a BDSM top and the prospects are bleak indeed. What's the meaning of going to clubs if all I'll ever get to do is having a few drinks and some conversations before coming home to a lonely flat. And I don't even have a cat.
Yes, I know things aren't as bad as that it just feels like that in the darkest moments. Some days I look in the mirror and say, Goddess you're sexy and beautiful! Or I'm walking down a street and suddenly I get, and give, a few seconds long eye contact. a slight smile and the we just pass. And there is no doubt that we both know. The second long communication says: "Hi! I'm a lesbian and I know you are too.Bye!" So once again I have come to the conclusion that I'm really a lucky woman. Amazing how a bit of reflection can drive the blue funk away.I'm feeling much better now, thank you.
BTW, I'm single, free and ready to munch muff. Any takers on this offer?
Hugs, kisses. love and lashes until next time.
Your Mistress Caisa
December 7, 2009
December 6, 2009
December 2, 2009
Restless and Nervous
That's what I am now. I'm trying to quit smoking with the aid of Zyban. The last two days I've been cutting down a lot and when I finish the one I have left I WILL NEVER SMOKE AGAIN! But I expect there will be a week or two of hell.
Since my last post about Club Wish I've been on a great night at Whip Club. It was a fabulous atmosphere, a lot of people and some heavy action of almost any type you'd want. Spanking, whipping, fucking...... This time yours truly got in on some whipping and a bit of petting. Nothing more than that. One reason for the lack of action for this poor cougar is that most of the folks at Whip are hetero, another is that I'm reluctant to have a BDSM scene in public with someone I haven't played with before. A third reason is that, believe it or not, that I'm quite shy and insecure when it comes to initiate a more intimate contact, be it kissing or BDSM play. Not the best trait for a top, is it? If I didn't have to leave so early, 5 am, I'm quite certain that something could have happened. I'll not say anything more but I think those involved know what I mean. Love and lashes to you. ;-)
As I relaxed in a soft arm chair with a glass of wine and with no one else at the table I had a sort of vision (or wishful thinking) for a few seconds and felt convinced that sometime next summer I'd be at Whip Club with Kate and that we'll be having a great time. Ehh, no not you, even if I'd really like that, but Kate from across the pond.
I just had my last cigarette EVER! Let's hope I'll survive the next days. I'll keep you posted.
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Your Mistress Caisa
Since my last post about Club Wish I've been on a great night at Whip Club. It was a fabulous atmosphere, a lot of people and some heavy action of almost any type you'd want. Spanking, whipping, fucking...... This time yours truly got in on some whipping and a bit of petting. Nothing more than that. One reason for the lack of action for this poor cougar is that most of the folks at Whip are hetero, another is that I'm reluctant to have a BDSM scene in public with someone I haven't played with before. A third reason is that, believe it or not, that I'm quite shy and insecure when it comes to initiate a more intimate contact, be it kissing or BDSM play. Not the best trait for a top, is it? If I didn't have to leave so early, 5 am, I'm quite certain that something could have happened. I'll not say anything more but I think those involved know what I mean. Love and lashes to you. ;-)As I relaxed in a soft arm chair with a glass of wine and with no one else at the table I had a sort of vision (or wishful thinking) for a few seconds and felt convinced that sometime next summer I'd be at Whip Club with Kate and that we'll be having a great time. Ehh, no not you, even if I'd really like that, but Kate from across the pond.
I just had my last cigarette EVER! Let's hope I'll survive the next days. I'll keep you posted.
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Your Mistress Caisa
November 28, 2009
Spanksgiving At Club Wish
Club Wish is a relatively small club with no place of its own. But SLM, Swedish Leather Men, kindly lets the club use their nice cellar. To get in you press a bell, the door opens and then there is a gate to pass through. All this is to make sure there are no homophobic attacks. The place is perfect for a BDSM club. Lots of bare brick walls, Bars in front of the bar and evocative paraphernalia all over the place.I had volunteered to help and as a newbie I was posted in the cloakroom. There was supposed to be a dress code but this wasn't very strictly applied. The dresses was all the way from almost pedestrian to stark naked with a collar. And it was a good mixture of cis women, F2Ms and M2Fs and more. Styles varied from butch to femme and ages from around twenty to almost eighty.
As the theme of the evening was fisting there was a lecture and talk on the subject. I left the cloakroom for a bit to listen. But my sense of duty made me return. And i think I already know quite a lot on the subject. In fact I was fairly good at it before I knew it had a name. ;-) Back at the entrance/cloakroom I had a very interesting talk with some F2M folks, mostly what the different needs are for trans women and trans men but also how we could work together and support each other.
I was relieved of my duties around nine, nine thirty and went to the bar to buy a glass of wine. I mingled around a bit but soon found myself at the cloakroom where some interesting folks were to be found. All in all I found Club Wish to have a very welcoming, warm and free atmosphere. I had planned on going home around ten, eleven at the latest. As it were I didn't get home until about two in the morning. I hadn't eaten much during the day and that in combination with Zyban that I take to help me stop smoking made me feel quite tipsy although I only had three glasses of wine.
So what about the spanking? Well I have to confess that it was a cunning way to lure you here. (Thank you LizzY the LezzY for the word spanksgiving.) I didn't see much play nor did I get involved in any myself. I feel like I have to really know someone before I'll engage in any BDSM activity. To me its a tremendously intimate and personal thing. And even if I.yearn with every fibre of my being to have sex with a woman I want to wait until after the GSR for real lesbian sex. I can of course play the giving role with tongue, lips, fingers and hands. I just realised that what it comes down to is that I'm afraid I'll never find some one. What are the odds for a 60 year old lesbian trans woman who also is a BDSM top?
Well, tonight it's time for Whip Club and I think I'll wear the same sexy top as I did a Club Wish. The drawback from my horizon is that most folks at Whip Club are straight.
Kisses, hugs, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
November 16, 2009
A Rainbow Mass To Celebrate Same Sex Marriage
Last night I violated a 30 years old principle of mine: Never to enter a church when there was a service in progress. Why is a long story that I might tell in my blog My Life So Far.The reason I did it was that I got invited by a friend who is one of the organizers behind "Regnbågsmässan", The Rainbow Mass, a monthly event at "Sofia kyrkan", The Sofia Church, in the part of Stockholm called "Söder". It's beautifully situated high up on "Vita Bergen" I was born just a few blocks from it so if I had been baptised this is the church where it would have happened. I hope to blog more about the concept of "Regnbågsmässan" and the people behind it later.
The theme of last night's mass was to celebrate that the Swedish church have decided to perform same sex marriage ceremonies. It started at 4 pm with opportunities to talk with church officials about weddings, I missed that part as I was buzzy trying to install the latest SuSE to a USB stick. But I was in time for the mass that begun at 6 pm. I was given a book of hymns and took a seat towards the back, near the aisle. At first glance it wasn't any different from the churches I was forced to attend when in school. Then I noticed the garland in rainbow colours hanging from the pulpit. The church slowly filled with people. Well, filled is maybe not the right word. It was about half full when the mass started, which apparently is more than at an ordinary mass. I looked around to get an idea of what kind of folks came to this mass, I tried to not be too obvious less they think I was checking them out for other reasons than reporting in this blog post. :-)
I saw some faces that I recognised, among them the guy I usually buy my tobacco from. The audience was about evenly distributed as to gender, male and female with a sprinkling of trans folks. The age was slightly higher than you usually find at a LGBTQ event. It might not be surprising to you that I checked out the women more than the men. :-) Many of the ladies was of the short haired butch style lesbian stereotype, other more "ordinary" and some decidedly femme.
The mass started with a song performed by Rainbow Gospel Followed by a talk by someone who's name I missed. I don't think he was a priest as he was dressed in an ordinary suite. It was a bit hard to hear what he was saying due to the echo in the church. I didn't catch all but the gist of it seemed to be that we should be grateful for the decision by the church to perform same sex marriage but also be careful not to alienate those that had opposed it. A middle of the road path I have no sympathy with. Next another song by the choir after which the priest, Malin, entered the stage. Malin is a beautiful brunette. I'd say sexy but can you do that about a priest? She was wearing a sparkly cassock (?) in a rainbow pattern. The way Malin spoke about love and marriage was more in line with my own thoughts on the subject. After that it was time for us all to sing a hymn. I'm not a Christian and also I didn't know the tune so I was mostly quiet. After that Malin talked about the parable of the ten maidens and the oil lamps. I'm not very familiar with Christian mythology but the conclusion was that she believed that Jesus would welcome everyone to the party, whether they had oil in the lamps or not, whether they were straight or gay. All in all I felt that what she said was something I could agree with.
Next up was Helene Hammarlund , who sang a beautiful Swedish folk song from the balcony. If my back wasn't hurting so by this time it might have caused some tears to trickle down my face. Then came the part that was strangest to me, the communion. I've never been to one of these before and it wasn't so bad as I feared. Malin said some things over the bread and the wine and then there was general hugging and whishings of God bless and the like. A beautiful black haired woman touched my shoulder and said May God's love be with you. After this those who were so inclined cued up to get a biscuit dipped in wine. One last hymn and it was over.
I went out for a much needed cig and then joined the cue for wedding cake and coffee. I didn't stay long after that but had some interesting conversations with some likewise interesting people. All in all it was a good experience this my first voluntary visit to a Christian function. And there is a good chance I'll go to the next mass Dec 12.
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
November 3, 2009
Go Ahead And Vote - And Get Ready To Fight
In the US there are some important elections coming up/going on now. Marriage equality, a lesbian mayor and more. I think that those of you that can should vote. I don't think that the outcome of those elections will be anywhere near revolutionary. But they are each a small step forward. Like the decision by the Swedish church to perform same sex marriage ceremonies, or the appointment of a lesbian bishop in Stockholm.
In principle I don't care for the institution of marriage (who wants to live in an institution?) and I care even less for organized religion. But every little step in the LGBT struggle is important to me, not just the issues closest to my heart. Together we're slowly pushing back the homo phobes, fundies and right wing nuts.But they will get more vitriolic, cunning and aggressive as they realize that they're fighting for a lost cause.
In Spain 1936 everyone was sure that the left would win the election, which they did. But the only ones that were ready for the fascist rebellion were the anarchists and the syndicalists. The syndicalist union CNT told it's members: Vote if you want to, but be ready to fight the fascists. If more leftists had listened to that advice Franco might have been crushed in the first few weeks.
Let's not make the same mistake as the Spanish left. Go Ahead And Vote - And Get Ready To Fight!
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
In principle I don't care for the institution of marriage (who wants to live in an institution?) and I care even less for organized religion. But every little step in the LGBT struggle is important to me, not just the issues closest to my heart. Together we're slowly pushing back the homo phobes, fundies and right wing nuts.But they will get more vitriolic, cunning and aggressive as they realize that they're fighting for a lost cause.
In Spain 1936 everyone was sure that the left would win the election, which they did. But the only ones that were ready for the fascist rebellion were the anarchists and the syndicalists. The syndicalist union CNT told it's members: Vote if you want to, but be ready to fight the fascists. If more leftists had listened to that advice Franco might have been crushed in the first few weeks.
Let's not make the same mistake as the Spanish left. Go Ahead And Vote - And Get Ready To Fight!
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
November 1, 2009
A Women only BDSM & Fetish Summer Camp in Sweden
A few weeks ago I blogged in a fast forward fantasy about the secret all lesbian town in Sweden. Now it seems we have taken a step in that direction.This is from an e-mail I got yesterday from my friend Angelica:
Wish also want to remind you of Wish Power Exchange, Summer Camp week 29
in 2010!
Wish Power exchange proudly presents summer camp 2010!
Wish invites you to a five-day BDSM and fetish-camp for women* on the
beautiful west coast of Sweden. All meals are included, there will be many
play areas, several workshops and fantastic surroundings to explore. The
surroundings are especially nice if you like to travel by motorcycle.
Members of Wish and their friends have, by this e-mail, a unique chance to
book in advance before the information goes out officially!
The camp will take place during week 29, Wednesday through Sunday. If you
want to arrive earlier in the week it may be possible to arrange, when you
book your stay. Depending on the number of participants the fee for the
week will approximately be between 2400-2900 SEK.
Wish Power Exchange Summer Camp will be held in a kinky friendly
camp/hostel situated on the west coast of Sweden. In close vicinity lies
Smögen, a picturesque small fishing village that is a favourite
vacation site for tourists. The camp provides newly renovated shower areas
and a relaxing outdoors hot-tub. A sauna is presently being built and
hopefully will be ready in time for the camp. Play spaces are found both
indoors and outdoors, with plenty of bondage- and percussion play
furniture. There is also a separate, lockable underground dungeon for
those who prefer more private play. For those with an attraction to
different role play settings there is a possibility to arrange special
theme areas such as Clinic or Class room.
The accommodations are simple, hostel standards in four-bed rooms.
Depending on the number of participants it may be possible to get a
separate room if you are a couple. Bring your own sheets and towels. If
you prefer, it is possible to bring you own caravan or camper to stay in.
All meals are included in the fee. There will be brunch ca 9-12 AM and
”afternoon tea”, a light meal around 3 PM. We dine together at 7 PM. Those
who want put on their fetish finest for dinner. Fruit and other snacks can
be provided throughout the day. A bar with low prices will be available.
The camp is international and the main languages will be both English and
Swedish.
* As usual Wish's target groups are those who are, have been or live as women.
By replying to this e-mail you can register to the camp or receive further
information;
wishutskick@gmail.com.
More detailed information of the Power Exchange Camp will be emailed later
on to those who register interest.
So, ladies, book you flights.
Hugs, kisses. love and lashes until next time
Caisa
Wish also want to remind you of Wish Power Exchange, Summer Camp week 29
in 2010!
Wish Power exchange proudly presents summer camp 2010!
Wish invites you to a five-day BDSM and fetish-camp for women* on the
beautiful west coast of Sweden. All meals are included, there will be many
play areas, several workshops and fantastic surroundings to explore. The
surroundings are especially nice if you like to travel by motorcycle.
Members of Wish and their friends have, by this e-mail, a unique chance to
book in advance before the information goes out officially!
The camp will take place during week 29, Wednesday through Sunday. If you
want to arrive earlier in the week it may be possible to arrange, when you
book your stay. Depending on the number of participants the fee for the
week will approximately be between 2400-2900 SEK.
Wish Power Exchange Summer Camp will be held in a kinky friendly
camp/hostel situated on the west coast of Sweden. In close vicinity lies
Smögen, a picturesque small fishing village that is a favourite
vacation site for tourists. The camp provides newly renovated shower areas
and a relaxing outdoors hot-tub. A sauna is presently being built and
hopefully will be ready in time for the camp. Play spaces are found both
indoors and outdoors, with plenty of bondage- and percussion play
furniture. There is also a separate, lockable underground dungeon for
those who prefer more private play. For those with an attraction to
different role play settings there is a possibility to arrange special
theme areas such as Clinic or Class room.
The accommodations are simple, hostel standards in four-bed rooms.
Depending on the number of participants it may be possible to get a
separate room if you are a couple. Bring your own sheets and towels. If
you prefer, it is possible to bring you own caravan or camper to stay in.
All meals are included in the fee. There will be brunch ca 9-12 AM and
”afternoon tea”, a light meal around 3 PM. We dine together at 7 PM. Those
who want put on their fetish finest for dinner. Fruit and other snacks can
be provided throughout the day. A bar with low prices will be available.
The camp is international and the main languages will be both English and
Swedish.
* As usual Wish's target groups are those who are, have been or live as women.
By replying to this e-mail you can register to the camp or receive further
information;
wishutskick@gmail.com.
More detailed information of the Power Exchange Camp will be emailed later
on to those who register interest.
So, ladies, book you flights.
Hugs, kisses. love and lashes until next time
Caisa
October 30, 2009
She Drove While I Slept
We were driving from Charleston to visit Barbara and Kate in New York. In the seat beside me in our old red Mustang cabriolet sat my wife. It was a sunny day and just warm enough to drive with the top down. We were on our honey moon visiting friends from the net in the US and Canada in real life. We've had quite an intense bout of lovemaking and BDSM the night before and I soon drifted off to sleep.
When I next opened my eyes the car was parked on a small road in some forest and my love was nowhere in sight. After rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I got out out of the car to stretch my legs. Then I spotted her in a small valley standing in a pond that was formed in a brook. She was standing in the middle of it rinsing her long, black curly hair. I stood a minute admiring her rubenesque figure, in particular the raised red and blue velts on her lovely bottom from the night before. I got out of my clothes and joined her in the pond. We stood a long time in the water, kissing, breasts pressed against breasts, cunts exchanging fluids and hands roaming all over. After a while we stumbled to the moss covered shore and continued our lovemaking half in, half out of the water.
(I'm in bed today with a case of the common cold. Add to that a back that is giving me trouble. I took two painkillers that contains some codeine and tried to take a nap. I had this clear dream/hallucination just before I entered real sleep. It was quite clear, detailed and coherent and I felt I had to put it down in words before it faded away.)
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
When I next opened my eyes the car was parked on a small road in some forest and my love was nowhere in sight. After rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I got out out of the car to stretch my legs. Then I spotted her in a small valley standing in a pond that was formed in a brook. She was standing in the middle of it rinsing her long, black curly hair. I stood a minute admiring her rubenesque figure, in particular the raised red and blue velts on her lovely bottom from the night before. I got out of my clothes and joined her in the pond. We stood a long time in the water, kissing, breasts pressed against breasts, cunts exchanging fluids and hands roaming all over. After a while we stumbled to the moss covered shore and continued our lovemaking half in, half out of the water.
(I'm in bed today with a case of the common cold. Add to that a back that is giving me trouble. I took two painkillers that contains some codeine and tried to take a nap. I had this clear dream/hallucination just before I entered real sleep. It was quite clear, detailed and coherent and I felt I had to put it down in words before it faded away.)
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
October 27, 2009
How to get quality followers on Twitter
No this is not spam for some app or other. Just some common sense advise.
First off, I can't get it into my poor head why any one would want more followers jut for the numbers of followers. Unless you're trying to sell something, in which case this blog post is probably of no interest to you whatsoever. I'm directing these advices to the regular tweeter, It's the real individuals that I find it interesting to follow.
I've been on Twitter for quite a while but didn't really start using it until the night of the finals in the Eurovision Song Contest. Through a chat at eurOut I got in contact with some great girls/women and through them I found more people to follow.
An aside re Twitters viral properties. The day of the finals I started following Malena Ernman, a Swedish opera singer and our contestant in the contest.At the morning of the contest she had around 300 followers. She was tweeting frequently and when Russian police cracked down on a Pride demonstration she tweeted her outrage. I, and many others retweeted her comments, and others in their turn spread the word and at the end of the evening Malena had over 3000 followers. Unlike many celebs her tweets are sometimes personal, sometimes show related, but allways interesting. Her nick on Twitter is @Malena_Ernman and if you want to see pics of a really sexy opera diva in all kinds of situations follow her on Face Book.
But let's get back on track. At the moment of writing I have 731 followers and I haven't done anything specific to get followers. But I've been thinking the last few days about what I've done to be so honoured and have reached a few conclusions.
Tweet links to sites that can interest your followers. In my case trans and lesbian related and general LGBT issues. If they find your links good they will probably retweet them and more people interested in the same topics will notice you and maybe follow you.
Take an active part in discussions in the tweet stream. If your tweets are relevant to the topic they don't have to be deeply profound and witty. The important thing is that you care about what you're tweeting, be yourself and others will appreciate it.
Not all tweet streams have to be discussions, it can be a friendly banter between two or more tweeple.
Great the tworld when you log on and when you log off. I often use some thing like "Good morning sweet twibe. This cougar is wide awake and ready to roar." and "This cougar is turning into a sleepy kitten. G'nite sweet twibe." The latter often accompanied by a pic of a sleeping kitten. I like the term sewet twibe. I picked it up from Kate Bornstein @katebornstein .
Don't flood the tweet stream with all the small details of your day. A few remarks like "Goddess I need coffee" and the like are OK. In fact it can help create a clearer picture of who you are, your personality.
When some one follows you follow back, unless it's an obvious spammer.
If you tweet some one who has a zillion followers don't be disappointed if you get no immediate response. Instead be glad when yo do get one, I just got one from Billie Myers @BillieMyers saying huge thanks, made me fell kinda warm and fuzzy.
If you have a blog, tweet when a new post is published.
This is, more or less the way I've been tweeting and something about is must be right as the number of tweeple following me keeps increasing. I got two more followers as I was writing this.
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
First off, I can't get it into my poor head why any one would want more followers jut for the numbers of followers. Unless you're trying to sell something, in which case this blog post is probably of no interest to you whatsoever. I'm directing these advices to the regular tweeter, It's the real individuals that I find it interesting to follow.
I've been on Twitter for quite a while but didn't really start using it until the night of the finals in the Eurovision Song Contest. Through a chat at eurOut I got in contact with some great girls/women and through them I found more people to follow.
An aside re Twitters viral properties. The day of the finals I started following Malena Ernman, a Swedish opera singer and our contestant in the contest.At the morning of the contest she had around 300 followers. She was tweeting frequently and when Russian police cracked down on a Pride demonstration she tweeted her outrage. I, and many others retweeted her comments, and others in their turn spread the word and at the end of the evening Malena had over 3000 followers. Unlike many celebs her tweets are sometimes personal, sometimes show related, but allways interesting. Her nick on Twitter is @Malena_Ernman and if you want to see pics of a really sexy opera diva in all kinds of situations follow her on Face Book.
But let's get back on track. At the moment of writing I have 731 followers and I haven't done anything specific to get followers. But I've been thinking the last few days about what I've done to be so honoured and have reached a few conclusions.
Tweet links to sites that can interest your followers. In my case trans and lesbian related and general LGBT issues. If they find your links good they will probably retweet them and more people interested in the same topics will notice you and maybe follow you.
Take an active part in discussions in the tweet stream. If your tweets are relevant to the topic they don't have to be deeply profound and witty. The important thing is that you care about what you're tweeting, be yourself and others will appreciate it.
Not all tweet streams have to be discussions, it can be a friendly banter between two or more tweeple.
Great the tworld when you log on and when you log off. I often use some thing like "Good morning sweet twibe. This cougar is wide awake and ready to roar." and "This cougar is turning into a sleepy kitten. G'nite sweet twibe." The latter often accompanied by a pic of a sleeping kitten. I like the term sewet twibe. I picked it up from Kate Bornstein @katebornstein .
Don't flood the tweet stream with all the small details of your day. A few remarks like "Goddess I need coffee" and the like are OK. In fact it can help create a clearer picture of who you are, your personality.
When some one follows you follow back, unless it's an obvious spammer.
If you tweet some one who has a zillion followers don't be disappointed if you get no immediate response. Instead be glad when yo do get one, I just got one from Billie Myers @BillieMyers saying huge thanks, made me fell kinda warm and fuzzy.
If you have a blog, tweet when a new post is published.
This is, more or less the way I've been tweeting and something about is must be right as the number of tweeple following me keeps increasing. I got two more followers as I was writing this.
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
October 23, 2009
Lizzy Limerick #2
Our favourite LizzY the LezzY
Have made our souls all mezzY
We look every daY
Hoping to saY
A new LizzY video, HoraY!
Have made our souls all mezzY
We look every daY
Hoping to saY
A new LizzY video, HoraY!
Hormones On My Mind
I have lately become aware of some effects of being on hormones. I'm on Divigel, an oestrogen gel that I put on 2 x 1mg in the morning and 1mg in the evening and Cyproteron 50mg, one in the morning and one in the evening. The latest blood work showed all hormones well within the upper range of normal female values. I started on hormones Nov 18 2008 so it's almost a year now. I had to stop the Cyproteron for a while due to bad liver values. But started again in the end of July. The combined effect of the oestrogen and the testo blockers worked wonders for my tits, they more or less just popped out. Still small, of course, but the pain and the hotness of them are promises of further growth. As for body hair it grows more slowly and the hairs are much thinner. The facial hair also grows slower and that means that I have to stop shaving at least two days before electro or my dermatologist will not be able to find the buggers.
But the changes that I've been most aware of lately (aside from constantly touching my lovely new tits and saying to myself like Kate B. " I made those!") are mental. I am more at peace and I'm able to concentrate in a way I couldn't before. As an example: when I start writing, words and ideas flows in a way that I haven't experienced since early puberty. I've also noticed that my short term memory seems to have gotten worse. Like I get up from the computer to do/get something and when I reach the door to the living room I have no idea what I was going to do. Of course this could be an age thing or a side effect of the better concentration, I'm so into what I do at the computer that I plain forget the minor things, like cocking dinner.
I also feel emotions more strongly. The tears that have trickled down lately when watching TV-shows would fill a bucket. When I saw the video of Nema dying in Iran I cried on and off for hours. I passed a Persian restaurant nearby and the tears started flowing again. In all my years as a male I can only remember really crying one time. And tears of joy at the birth of my daughters. Now that I think of it I also shed tears when hearing "Jag vill leva i Europa" a great Swedish song about how the missiles are aimed at different cities.
And babies, puppies and, most of all, cats just makes me feeling warm and fuzzy. I feel the urge to let a cat adopt me growing every day.
On the whole the combination of hormones and socialisation have made me a more harmonious, happier and more fulfilled woman than the aspiring woman I was a year ago.
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
But the changes that I've been most aware of lately (aside from constantly touching my lovely new tits and saying to myself like Kate B. " I made those!") are mental. I am more at peace and I'm able to concentrate in a way I couldn't before. As an example: when I start writing, words and ideas flows in a way that I haven't experienced since early puberty. I've also noticed that my short term memory seems to have gotten worse. Like I get up from the computer to do/get something and when I reach the door to the living room I have no idea what I was going to do. Of course this could be an age thing or a side effect of the better concentration, I'm so into what I do at the computer that I plain forget the minor things, like cocking dinner.
I also feel emotions more strongly. The tears that have trickled down lately when watching TV-shows would fill a bucket. When I saw the video of Nema dying in Iran I cried on and off for hours. I passed a Persian restaurant nearby and the tears started flowing again. In all my years as a male I can only remember really crying one time. And tears of joy at the birth of my daughters. Now that I think of it I also shed tears when hearing "Jag vill leva i Europa" a great Swedish song about how the missiles are aimed at different cities.
And babies, puppies and, most of all, cats just makes me feeling warm and fuzzy. I feel the urge to let a cat adopt me growing every day.
On the whole the combination of hormones and socialisation have made me a more harmonious, happier and more fulfilled woman than the aspiring woman I was a year ago.
Hugs, kisses, love and lashes until next time
Caisa
October 22, 2009
Real or Fake? #realfake
Yesterday Kate Bornstein started a new topic on Twitter, #realfake. I had an unusually lazy day and didn't catch the stream until it was under way. But as I understood it Kate's question was what makes us feel real and what makes us feel fake.
What have made me feel real lately is the realisation that I AM a woman. Not a man desperately wishing to be the woman on the outside as well as the inside. I don't know what have brought on this realization, suddenly it was just there. I guess it's a combination of my brain and body adjusting due to hormones, living 24/7 as a woman, and friends in RL and on the net accepting me as a woman.
An example: I had lunch the other day with Barbara Carrellas (a wonderful girl). After the lunch we walked around the Old Town here in Stockholm. And not once during our meanderings through the small streets did it occur to me that we were anything but two women chatting, sometimes giggling and in Barbara's case doggy patting. It was a fun, interesting and valuable experience that even further anchored me in my reality as a woman. Thanks Barbara!
What makes me feel fake? Whenever I have to pretend to be someone/something I'm not. This was very hurtful before I started living 24/7 as a woman. Pretending to be "one of the guys" was awful. I felt like I was just one big fat lie.
This was a very short, for me, post. But I'll be back again don't you fret. I have at least two posts bubbling away in the back of my mind.
And here is a pic of me and Barbara at the venerable old resturant "Stortorgskällaren". She had sole, I had pork and onion sauce.
What have made me feel real lately is the realisation that I AM a woman. Not a man desperately wishing to be the woman on the outside as well as the inside. I don't know what have brought on this realization, suddenly it was just there. I guess it's a combination of my brain and body adjusting due to hormones, living 24/7 as a woman, and friends in RL and on the net accepting me as a woman.
An example: I had lunch the other day with Barbara Carrellas (a wonderful girl). After the lunch we walked around the Old Town here in Stockholm. And not once during our meanderings through the small streets did it occur to me that we were anything but two women chatting, sometimes giggling and in Barbara's case doggy patting. It was a fun, interesting and valuable experience that even further anchored me in my reality as a woman. Thanks Barbara!
What makes me feel fake? Whenever I have to pretend to be someone/something I'm not. This was very hurtful before I started living 24/7 as a woman. Pretending to be "one of the guys" was awful. I felt like I was just one big fat lie.
This was a very short, for me, post. But I'll be back again don't you fret. I have at least two posts bubbling away in the back of my mind.
And here is a pic of me and Barbara at the venerable old resturant "Stortorgskällaren". She had sole, I had pork and onion sauce.
Love, hugs, kisses and lashes till next time
Caisa
NEWSFLASH! The Swedish church will perform samesex marriage as of Nov 1.
For you to understand how big this is I'll explain a bit of the Swedish church's role in our society.
Until quite recently it was the official church, the state sanctioned sect. It was founded in the 1500s when it was decided to scrap the pope and follow Martin Luther. For centuries it was the only church allowed in Sweden and it have almost always been a tool of those in power. Teaching the working classes to obedient to those that God had put above them. But this is not to be meant as a tirade against the church and religion so let's turn to gender and sex.
The Swedish church is the biggest we have, no other comes near it in number of members. Until very recently you became a member when you were born unless your parents asked that you shouldn't. And when you mention the the word church most Swedes think about the former state church. It's influence on politics and morals is unfortunately still very great.
Some good have to be said about it. The issue of samesex marriage have been on it's agenda for about fifty years. Not a bad track record for a Lutheran church of this size and its history of oppression.
The Swedish parliament decided that as of this spring marriage is not an exclusively hetero affair. The institutions that were already allowed to perform marriages would keep that privilege provided they also allowed samesex marriages. So the Swedish church's decision today is a kind of conversion under the gallows. If they hadn't made it they would have lost one of their main source of revenue. And the churches would be even more empty than they are now.
But even this old atheist and anarchist is influenced by tradition and romantic images. Most Swedes are. So if I wish it were not so the fact is that it is a MAJOR thing for us.
My dream wedding is at a cemetery here in Stockholm, Skogskyrkogården. I know it sounds weird but all will be explained in my third "Flash Forward. Watch this space for the next installment.
I might have got the details about all this slightly wrong but the main facts are accurate.
Love, hugs, kisses and lashes until next time
Caisa
Until quite recently it was the official church, the state sanctioned sect. It was founded in the 1500s when it was decided to scrap the pope and follow Martin Luther. For centuries it was the only church allowed in Sweden and it have almost always been a tool of those in power. Teaching the working classes to obedient to those that God had put above them. But this is not to be meant as a tirade against the church and religion so let's turn to gender and sex.
The Swedish church is the biggest we have, no other comes near it in number of members. Until very recently you became a member when you were born unless your parents asked that you shouldn't. And when you mention the the word church most Swedes think about the former state church. It's influence on politics and morals is unfortunately still very great.
Some good have to be said about it. The issue of samesex marriage have been on it's agenda for about fifty years. Not a bad track record for a Lutheran church of this size and its history of oppression.
The Swedish parliament decided that as of this spring marriage is not an exclusively hetero affair. The institutions that were already allowed to perform marriages would keep that privilege provided they also allowed samesex marriages. So the Swedish church's decision today is a kind of conversion under the gallows. If they hadn't made it they would have lost one of their main source of revenue. And the churches would be even more empty than they are now.
But even this old atheist and anarchist is influenced by tradition and romantic images. Most Swedes are. So if I wish it were not so the fact is that it is a MAJOR thing for us.
My dream wedding is at a cemetery here in Stockholm, Skogskyrkogården. I know it sounds weird but all will be explained in my third "Flash Forward. Watch this space for the next installment.
I might have got the details about all this slightly wrong but the main facts are accurate.
Love, hugs, kisses and lashes until next time
Caisa
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